A friend of mine, Alicia, is a very devout christian. I respect her for her beliefs, but I often glaze over when she gets to talking about them. I've been agnostic for nearly 30 years, and really can't wrap my brain around any formal belief system. Sometimes, though, when people mention prayers being answered, my ears perk up a little bit.
I can't even be sure who/what/when/where/why I'm praying. I'd like to say it's blind faith, but I'm not even sure I have faith that I'm being heard. It's more of a, "oh my god, nothing else seems to work, please hear my prayer" kind of thing.
About two months ago, I decided that I was going to start praying to the unknown. I decided that I was going to pick a fixture to focus on when I pray. In my bedroom, it's my ceiling light. In my living room, it's my chandelier. In the bathroom, it's a glass bottle, though saying I pray to the porcelain god seems more appropriate. However, it's kinda hard to pray to the commode when you're sitting on it... :-) In my office, it's a statuette of buddha. Yes, I have it all figured out. Even if I don't know what the hell I believe, a merciful "god" will grant me some serenity, or for once give me a fucking break.
Hey, remember that devout christian friend of mine I mentioned up there? Yeah, so, she does this vlog. It's very christiany and scriptury and doesn't really agree with me, but I watched it because I love her, and she's my friend. She talked about how she laid outside and prayed, and as soon as she was quiet, she received a message. I was like, "hmph, hogwash". Sure, it's kinda silly to think that anything/one would respond to everyone's prayers.
But as part of my recent commitment to this exercise, I thought I'd give it a shot. I sat outside my house yesterday, and tried what she'd spoken of in that vlog. I closed my eyes, made a couple of requests to the unknown, and then silenced myself for the answer. Literally, the very first thing that popped into my head when I silenced myself, was "stay calm, relax and enjoy". That's my new mantra.
Anyone who knows me, knows that those are words for me to live by. I struggle with anxiety, and find myself bundled up in knots with worry sometimes. Whatever voice spoke to me, even if it was just a product of my own thought, I'm grateful for it. Whether it be divine intervention, or my own subconscious begging for mercy, I feel a little more at peace because of it.
HUGS!
"President [redacted because this is non-political] of the United States has claimed, on more than one occasion, to be in dialogue with God. If he said he was talking to God through his hairdryer, this would precipitate to a national emergency. I fail to see how the addition of a hairdryer makes the claim more ludicrous or more offensive." ~ Sam Harris
ReplyDeleteWhatever that still, small voice is - God, your subconscious, some other higher power we've not got a name for - you heard it and it made you feel better. That's the whole point of the exercise, so obviously you're doing something right. :)
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