Psst! Random Kimmie Thoughts!

Happy Thursday to all of my seven followers. Sometimes I find it weirder that my friends are reading this, rather than complete strangers. When I start typing, I always imagine you all rolling your eyes and mumbling something under your breath, like "what the hell is wrong with her?" I know you all must love me though, so it's cool. I love you, too.

So, I'm sitting here at my mom's, AGAIN. She wanted to go to bed at 8:00, so I stayed with her until she fell asleep, and here I am. This is my refuge, when I'm over here. Not this blog, but this room. She doesn't realize how much time I spend in here after she goes to sleep, but what she doesn't know won't hurt her, right?

Caring for someone who is mentally ill, is hard as hell. She does display some physical manifestations of her illness, but for the most part, is perfectly healthy on the surface. It's frustrating, to say the least. I can't not do what I'm doing. I have to be here for her, but sometimes I just want to run from it. I can't. She's my mom. I love her.

I REALLY missed Casey today. Not sure why, but when it hits you, it hits hard. How is it, that a freaking pet can change your life like that? I don't know if I'll ever stop missing her, or be able to have another. She was just the light in my life (cheesy), for so many years.

Aging is hard, especially when you're a worrier like me. I think too much. WAY TOO MUCH! You start to feel like things are all going to go down hill. As you get older, you suffer a lot more loss. That's hard, but I'm hoping the gain in wisdom and coping mechanisms, can offset that. I feel strong as hell one day, and scared as fuck the next. I'm not even sure what I can handle, but I guess that's just life. Meh.

I have a good weekend planned. I love having things to look forward to. Saturday, I'm going to either Mammoth Cave or Bluespring Caverns, with a new and dear friend of mine. What a perfect way to spend a swelteringly hot day, but in a cave. Sunday, no plans, which is right up there with AWESOME. I love having Sunday to lie on the couch and watch movies and mindless TV. Monday, I'm going to Churchill with my mom and stepdad, and then down to the waterfront for De La Soul and Funky Meters. I think there might be fireworks. Ha. Good times will be had.

I've lost six pounds. *happy dance* That's pretty awesome. I've had a recent obsession with Taco Bell's Fresco menu, and from what I can tell, it doesn't seem to set me back too much. They substitute the cheese and sour cream, with a yummy "fresh tasting" (likely preservative laden) dose of pico de gallo. Top that with their new salsa verde, and we are talking. I generally dislike TB, but this is fast, easy and cheap-o-la.

I haven't been praying, like I said I would. I have been trying to meditate though. My brain is a force to be reckoned with. It doesn't much understand calm, and it's like hell to teach it to shut the fuck up for a minute, so I can have some peace. Thank god for the internet, though I suck and it, I have found some meditation techniques that work for me. Even if just for 30 seconds. ADD rears its ugly head, and won't let me have any extended quiet, but a little is better than nothing. I'm trying, at least.

I can hear mom snoring from the other room, and it seems to be sending some sort of message to my head, that it's time to say "goodnight". Goodnight to whomever is lucky enough to read this garbage. Until next time.