And so it begins...

Is it possible for a 40 year old woman, who has lived her entire adult life claiming to be agnostic, with no formal beliefs, customs or rituals, to find faith in a greater power? Can a long-time-non-believing soul (NO, not atheist, just uncertain), start to believe, and what are the steps to getting there?  I sure as shit know you can’t wake up one day and decide to believe. Or can you? It all starts with one step, right?

The idea for this post came to me this morning, Easter morning 2011. As I sat on my couch with a cup of coffee, watching Sunday Morning (that’s MY Sunday ritual), I started reading my Facebook news feed. There’s nothing like reading about the daily activities of others, to make you feel somehow inadequate in your own routines. For example, yesterday a friend of mine posted that she didn’t get out of her jammies until noon. Uhhhh, yeah, I didn’t get out of my jammies AT ALL. See what I’m saying? Anyway, that’s a little off subject.

Reading one Easter post, after Jesus post, after Easter post, after… you get the idea… I started to feel a case of the empty. Like really, really empty. The kind of empty that you immediately want to fill up with something. Thank goodness I didn't have any food and/or beer in the house, or that may have been my filler. We all know that wouldn’t get me anywhere, at least not in the long run. Sure would be fun in the short-run though, huh? Who am I kidding? I’ll end up drinking beer and eating comfort food before the day is over. It’s just a wee early for that right now.

The Facebook news feed status that really hit home for me, was this one:  “I love Easter. A day of redemption, forgiveness, hope, and new beginnings. Plus, there's chocolate and ham”

Don't get me wrong; I doubt I’ll ever find the sort of religious beliefs that celebrate Easter per se. But,what I wouldn’t give to feel this way on any given day. Every day, would be cool.  TODAY, would be cool. But since I can’t find that sort of faith overnight, I’ll have to go through some motions I suppose. OH EM GEE, I guess establishing some sense of spirituality is going to take work on my part. With this post, I’d like to say that I’m ready to embark on this journey, but given my past behaviors, this may just be a fleeting moment. An expression of my frustration with my lack of faith. Let’s hope it’s not. If it is, I'll just change the name of the blog and carry on.

So, here’s what I’m going to do TODAY, that I NEVER do. I’m going to pray. I’m not going to be sure what the hell I’m praying to, but I’m going to pray for whatever higher power that is out there (that will have me, of course),  to please show me a little extra attention for awhile. Enlightenment has to start somewhere, but I'm going to need a little extra push to get out of this rut. I hope "the force" will hear me, and be with me. 

That’s not a lot to ask, right? I mean, considering I’ve been very low maintenance for 25ish years now.

Lucky for you folks who might stumble upon this blog, I’m going to take you on this journey with me.

Allll Aboard!