Faith!

It's been a little over a month since my last entry. To my seven (if I haven't lost any) followers, I'm so sorry for your devastation. I'll try not to let this sort of lapse happen again. 

When someone like me writes as sporadically as I do, one might wonder, "what inspires her?" Well, two things. One, is being at my mom's where I feel away from the comforts of home, and she goes to bed at 9 o'clock. Two, is the influence of alcohol. Yes, I admit. I like to drink the spirits. So, that being said, mom is in bed, and I've had some wine. Cheers. 

I don't have any idea how long it's been since I started this blog, but one thing really has happened. I've started giving a little less of a shit. Not because I purposefully give less of a shit, but more because I have a lot more faith in letting things that are out of my control, be just that. I can't fret over something I have no control over. Therefore, I have been a lot more at peace with some things.

Relationships and dating? Well, let's just say I've learned a lot of lessons, but none as great as the ones I've learned since starting to pray about it. I'm not sure AT ALL what I'm praying to, but I find that something has changed in me, since I took the leap of faith to do so.  I know I sound redundant, but really, things happen without you even noticing.

I'm in the midst of being sad about not seeing someone anymore, that I really care about. But what surprises me, is that I'm more focused on what I've learned in the last few months. That is so unlike me. Instead of trying to influence the situation, by what is likely to be me acting crazy, I'm sitting back thinking about how if this doesn't work out, I'm going to be better and stronger for the next relationship. That's not to say that I don't hope that this one miraculously works out, but I won't hold my breath. The foundation has certainly been laid, but the timing is about as bad as it gets. I'll spare the details.

Gosh, I should blog more. It feels so good to sit down and type. The clickety clack of the keyboard is soothing.

As you know, I've been praying to fixtures, and not to a god, per se. When you do this, you start to notice weird signs, that you otherwise might not have noticed. Or are there signs, that otherwise wouldn't have been present? Or, are you just always looking for signs? Hmmmm.

All I know, is that there have been a lot of signs, and though at first, I thought they were all "good" signs, they were completely ambiguous. Like the weekend I saw 1:11, 2:22, 3:33 and 4:44.  I didn't see 5:55 that weekend, but after telling a friend about this, they texted me at 5:55, saying "5:55", obviously. Not really a sign, but weird all the same. Things I otherwise wouldn't notice, if I weren't looking for signs, OR WOULD I?... :-)

I have faith that something is changing me, and given the slump that I was in, that is a big shout out AMEN kinda moment. Baby steps, Kimberlee.